• We start the interview positively, making it easier to get the parents on our side; we appreciate their interest in solving the problem, highlight the positive aspects of the child.

• We try to avoid conflict, since at that moment the parent will begin to defend their child at any cost.

• We let the parent describe (or define) the problem – as they see it.

• We try to describe the problematic behavior as specifically as possible (it is appropriate to have records and documentation prepared in advance, so as to avoid having to say “never” or “always”) and should also avoid rating or judging a child’s behavior.

• If there are multiple issues, we should focus on the most pressing one – set priorities.

• Look for a solution together – “What do you think we should do, what do you suggest?” – collaborative brainstorming of parents and teachers… “How can we sort this out together?”

• We are careful not to polarize things in conversation and look to the future – it’s not me against you, it’s US: “What could the two of us do to help?” “I understand that we want the same thing, but we each have go about things in our own way, let’s talk about it…”

• If appropriate, include the child in the solution – they may suggest what could be changed in a given situation, what they need.

• It can be helpful to appeal to the common goal of both parent and school – the good of the child, let’s get together and discuss how to ensure that. Express partnership when problem solving.

• Clearly communicate the specific options in a given situation, don’t expect things to be “obvious to anyone” or that “they should get what I’m saying”.

• We must be specific and explicit in all our interactions.

• We should try and speak factually, calmly accept emotional reactions and express our understanding: “I understand that this is a difficult thing to deal with,” and try to bring the parents back to a substantive discussion.

• Sometimes it can be hard for parents to react to statements such as: ”Your son is a good boy”, “she doesn’t pay attention”, “he doesn’t listen”, “she provokes people”. Such statements are hard to understand, because they don’t specifically describe what is going on and are easily interpreted in all manner of ways.

• Instead of saying “he doesn’t listen,” it is better to say: “Your son doesn’t react to the teacher’s instructions and keeps on doing whatever he was before and when asked repeatedly, gets annoyed and starts screaming.” That is a specific description of behavior which you can then work with. For these reasons it is good to explain exactly what we want of the other person.

At the end of the interview we should agree:¨

- how to continue next time, what specific steps to take,

- the goals we have set for ourselves – which should be (SMART):

• SPECIFIC
  
• MEASURABLE
  
• ASSIGNABLE
  
• REALISTIC
  
• TIME-RELATED