Helping Children Cope with Intense Emotions – Suggestions
1. Start by explaining to the children what being “calm” means. Children often hear the phrase “calm down”, but what does the calm / peaceful mean for a child? We can give children opportunities to understand how their bodies feel when they are in peace; they can think straight and control themselves more effectively.
Practice deep breathing. Children lie on their backs with plush toys on their stomach and watch them move up and down as they breathe.
Engage children in stretching or yoga. Children stretch reaching up as if to pick apples and they curl down and mimic rolling up a snowball. Show and try out simple yoga positions with children. Children can learn to control their bodies through slow dancing and movement. For example, dance to slow classical music. Or when moving children from one place to another (for example, in the yard), let them walk as slow as a turtle or a slug. Singing soothing songs also helps.
Helping children learn observe what is going on in their bodies during quiet and high-intensity activities. We ask children to put their hands on their chest and feel their heartbeat after jumping or dancing fast. During peaceful activities, they can also try to notice the difference.
2. Teach children to recognize a variety of emotions and how they feel. We can read books and stories and use role-play to mediate emotions, especially those which pose a challenge for children in class (e.g. anger, frustration, disappointment).
Ask the children questions that help them recognize how different emotions manifest themselves and how we experience them (either characters in stories or the children themselves); understand that feelings are caused by various situations and what we can do to control them and act appropriately when such feelings appear. Teaching children to manage emotions in calm situations provides a good foundation for children to use these skills in emotionally challenging situations.
3. Focus on recognition and appreciation of feelings / emotions in children. Helping children recognize their own emotions is an important step in learning adequate emotional self-control.
Describe the feelings children have when they experience unpleasant or intense emotions such as frustration, anger, disappointment or sadness, and let them know that these emotions are fine (It looks like you are frustrated. I also feel frustrated when I struggle with something.)
Give children time to express their unpleasant emotions and help them do it in the right way. For example, hitting another child out of frustration is not a good way of showing anger in any situation, but to say, “I’m angry!” and hit or squeeze a pillow tight in a “quiet corner” can be. Children need to be taught and given the opportunity to try out strategies which can replace their impulses. These strategies for adequately showing emotions are to be tested and modelled outside of stressful situations, so that children are better equipped for the stressful situations.